How Best to Use a Sword
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Dragons Don't Give A Shit About Your Outdated Gender Stereotypes by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
13 Sep 2025
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Summary
Owen heard there was a princess in need of saving from a dragon and went off to save her. Mostly because of hormones.
Too bad his information was wrong, and the princess was a prince. That really didn't do much for the whole hormone situation, but it did end up kicking off a hell of an adventure with his new boyfriend, so really it all worked out in the end.
Series
- Part 1 of How Best to Use a Sword
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It's Not as Easy as Just Wandering into A Forest and Killing the Witch by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
04 Oct 2025
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Summary
This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.
Ron wasn't supposed to get captured by a plant while searching for the witch.
He wasn't supposed to be naked when it happened.
He wasn't supposed to have to rely on the witch for help escaping.
The witch wasn't supposed to be cute.
Series
- Part 2 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Being a Team That Shares a Tent Means That Certain Rules Must Be Observed by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
04 Oct 2025
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Summary
All Cal wanted out of life was to run a good, solid team of artefact hunters and make a lot of money doing it. He was happy when that was his life.
When he started sleeping with both his teammates, that was a nice plus.
He didn't sign up for what might be the end of the world, or at least the end of his.
Series
- Part 3 of How Best to Use a Sword
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If the Chosen One Can't Defy Heteronormative Social Structures, Who Can? by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
05 Oct 2025
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Summary
It has long been prophesied that someday the chosen one would be born, one who could unite what was once broken apart, bring light and darkness together and change the way the world saw magic.
Scholars are pretty sure his penchant for taking it up the ass is not part of the prophecies.
Or, Isaac is only willing to be the chosen one if it doesn't interfere too much with his sex life.
Series
- Part 4 of How Best to Use a Sword
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If Stowing Away is the Best Idea You've Got, You Need to Have Better Ideas by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
05 Oct 2025
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Summary
It's not that Pax minds being made a cabin boy (it beats being thrown off the ship that he stowed away on).
The ship is pretty decent, all things considered (he wishes they weren't so liberal about modesty, though).
It's just that he has places to go and doesn't have time for distractions (the first mate is distractingly hot).
Series
- Part 5 of How Best to Use a Sword
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The Noble Traditions of Knighthood Are Absolute, Regardless of Personal Relationships by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
11 Oct 2025
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Summary
Edwin followed in his brother Erik's footsteps, finished the training school for knights and is now Erik's squire.
None of those things were because he wanted to be a knight and all of them were because he wanted to be with Erik.
Series
- Part 6 of How Best to Use a Sword
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You Don't Have to Be Sadistic to Be the Villain, but it Helps by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
11 Oct 2025
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Summary
The intrepid quest to vanquish the evil Sorcerer King once and for all...has failed.
Henry tried to kill Sam's father. An outsider might expect Sam to resent him for that and to extract his pound of flesh as retribution, now that Henry is chained up in his father's dungeon. Actually Sam isn't all that concerned about dad or retribution. He's kind of pleased with the whole thing.
Because now he has a toy to play with.
Series
- Part 7 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Whoever Said Every Cloud Had a Silver Lining Obviously Never Endured Slavery by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
11 Oct 2025
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Summary
Daniel's a slave. He belongs to Theodore and that's all there is to it.
The more he reminds himself of that the easier it is to just be a slave and do as he's told.
It's not clear to him whether that's a good thing or not.
Series
- Part 8 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Princes Marry Princesses; That Doesn't Mean They Don't Love Their Best Friends Instead by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
12 Oct 2025
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Summary
A trade agreement that includes a marriage contract means that Franz has to move north and marry a princess he's never met before. Par for the course for nobility and he always knew an arranged marriage was to be his future.
So he'll move to the north and put up with their shit weather and terrible food and their courtly intrigue for the greater good. No matter what happens he knows he'll be fine, because really all a guy needs to be fine in life is his best friend and his dog, and Franz made sure to bring both of those with him.
Series
- Part 9 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Belonging to A Noble House Means Putting Loyalty to Your Family above All Else by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
12 Oct 2025
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Summary
Together, they survived the politics of the capital. Together, they survived a coup that killed their father and nearly destroyed their family. Together, they dethroned the usurper. Together, they've shaped the political landscape of Kyaine.
Together, Geoffrey and Giacomo DiSheere plan to come out on top.
Series
- Part 10 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Not All Dragons Kidnap Princes; Some Just Want to Make Friends by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
13 Aug 2018
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Summary
Travis heard that everyone was going off to find the dragon that kidnapped the princess, so he went off to find him too.
The difference was, Travis wasn't going to slay the dragon. He wanted to be its friend.
Series
- Part 11 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Life Is Rarely Easy when You’re Companion to a Queen by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
02 Jul 2018
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Summary
Cordelia has a wonderful wife, three healthy children, a position in the royal court and is companion to the queen of Kyaine.
They say it's when everything is going well that you should be the most alert.
Series
- Part 12 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Usurping the Throne Is Easy; Keeping it Is the Hard Part by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
06 May 2019
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Summary
Stephan Fyrhawk, first of his name, is king of the southern nation of Kyaine.
He never wanted to be, especially not with this much bloodshed. But it was for the greater good.
Nobody told him that being king is infinitely harder than becoming king. When you're king, everyone wants something, and most of them are willing to do anything to get it.
And when your reign was inaugurated with bloodshed, violence is always an option that's on the table.
Series
- Part 13 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Is There Anyone More Ambitious Than the Servant Who Seeks to Rise in Station? by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
25 Feb 2019
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Summary
Drew's life isn't that bad. He's got a job as a servant and a crush on a boy and it's not that complicated. He's content.
But content isn't enough. He wants more. And in the little town of Techen's Stand, he's about to be offered far, far more.
Series
- Part 14 of How Best to Use a Sword
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It’s Not Uncommon for A Wizard’s Apprentice to Be Burdened with A Terrible Destiny by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
27 May 2019
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Summary
Ignatius should have known this would happen someday. Not the coup that tore his home country in two, not that the princess would be held hostage, not even that he'd be the one who would be sent to rescue her. No, not that. He should have known that someday he'd have to leave his master, go off on his own and be the master of his own power. It was what wizards did, after all. Powerful ones especially.
But he's not ready.
At least he has Gus with him. At least he's not alone.
Series
- Part 15 of How Best to Use a Sword
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No Matter What You've Heard, Angels Aren't Any Better at Solving the World's Problems than Anyone Else by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
14 Oct 2019
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Summary
The fate of the world may hang in the balance of this, the second synod between the world's angels and demons, who have historically come together after a revelation that threatens to shatter both of them and everything they hold dear.
Jude may be an angel, but he's grateful that he's not an important enough one to make the actual decisions here. All he has to worry about is dodging all his exes for the duration of the synod.
Four thousand years is enough time to rack up a lot of exes. If Jude wants to make a new one to add to his collection, he's going to have to look at the other side of the aisle.
Series
- Part 16 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Rebelling Against the Throne Means Being Willing to Do Whatever It Takes by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
18 Nov 2019
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Summary
Nestled in a range of welcoming volcanic mountains, Ech'kent is an idyllic, pastoral land of peaceful people ruled under the iron fist of an evil Sorcerer King who destroys rebellions against him by wiping towns off the map.
After their hometown is destroyed, Cyrus, Sawyer, Sean and Gino want revenge, and they want their rebellion to succeed, to remove King Sam from the throne that his father stole, to return Ech'kent to native rulership for the first time in centuries. The question is how to make that happen when they're just four people against one of the most powerful and evil forces in the world.
Fortunately for them, humans aren't the only people living in the plateau. Fortunately for them, help is available...for a price.
Series
- Part 17 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Small Faeries Having Big Problems May Be A Cliche, but it's Also True by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
11 May 2020
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Summary
Juniper is a faery in the queen's clan, living in harmony with the local clan of centaurs, who are in the middle of a minor succession issue.
Having just recently broken up with his boyfriend over a similarly minor cheating issue, he has nothing better to do than solve the conspiracy that seems to be unfolding in the hamlet, and if he's lucky, he'll...
"Hey, the fuck? Stop making me sound like such a loser."
You are, a bit.
"Am not. I'm a free spirit. Say that I'm intrepid and care about the safety of my centaur friends, so I go to..."
Shut it.
Follow Juniper as he tries to get his life together and incidentally stumbles into a mystery at the same time. Whether he gets it together or manages to solve anything? Well, that depends on how cooperative he decides to be.
Series
- Part 18 of How Best to Use a Sword
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The Life of A Renegade Is Hard, But Not for the Reasons You've Been Led to Believe by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
24 Jan 2021
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Summary
John is having a rough time lately. He's single, lonely, and his zombie pirates were stolen by an evil wizard, and then the evil wizard was stolen by an even more evil sorcerer, which puts him in mortal danger.
And then to make matters worse, his parents' garden plants decide to dose him with an unhealthy dose of a libido-enhancing sap.
Fortunately, John's dad Kyle is there to help. And he has no intention of letting his baby boy suffer.
Series
- Part 19 of How Best to Use a Sword
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Princes and Paupers Have Different Problems and Switching Places Only Solves Some of Them by AntagonizedPenguin
Fandoms: Original Work
17 May 2021
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Summary
Niall is the prince of Neshez, heir apparent to the whole kingdom. And someone wants to kill him.
Russ is a commoner, living day to day in the city, just getting by. And taking five clients a night as a prostitute.
They probably should have told each other a bit more about themselves before deciding to switch places for a week.
Series
- Part 20 of How Best to Use a Sword