Chapter Text
“How are we going to handle this?” Jim whispered urgently to Spock in the kitchen of his apartment while they set about preparing a pot of tea for Jim’s mom, Bones, and themselves.
“Handle what?”
“This whole thing. My mom obviously thinks something is going on between us and—”
“Something is,” Spock pointed out.
“Well, yeah, okay, but do we really want her to know?”
“Why hide it?”
“Uh.” Jim was momentarily speechless.
“Would you not reveal the state of our relationship at some point?”
“I…guess. But we’re just getting started. We haven’t even had a chance to-to talk about any of this ourselves. And Bones is here just to stir things up.”
“I sure am,” Bones declared cheerfully as he joined them in the kitchen.
“What do you want?” Jim scowled.
“To see if you have any cookies to go with the tea.”
“This isn’t a teashop. Got sit down. And that’s an order.”
“We aren’t on duty.”
“Bones, I swear to—”
Bones just laughed and went back to the living room to sit with Jim’s mom.
“Are you feeling some sort of embarrassment at our developing relationship?”
“Do we have to call it that?”
Spock stiffened. “What else would we call it?”
“I don’t know.” Jim rubbed his temples. “This is all happening so damn fast. A short time ago I had…I didn’t even think you liked me as a friend and now…”
“You are panicking.”
“No. Yes. I don’t.” He lowered his voice. “I don’t do serious relationships.”
“What about Carol Marcus?”
Jim gave Spock a look. “Do you see her here?”
“No.”
“That makes my point.”
Spock was quiet as he poured boiling water over the tea leaves in the teapot. “So you do not wish to have a serious relationship with me. A committed one.”
“I do and that’s the problem.”
“You are starting to give me a headache.”
“That makes two of us. Spock, I do want to-to give this a try. I’m just trying to explain this is a little whacked for me. And we were just getting uh you know interesting before dinner and now we have to face my mom.” Jim came very close to then saying Spock no longer had a mom so he wouldn’t understand but he realized his mistake in time and then he wanted to punch himself for even thinking it in the first place. “I don’t really know what you see in me.”
“I urge you to remain calm, Jim. Whatever disaster you are imagining I assure you is exaggerated in your head. I will have no trouble speaking with your mother. And neither will you. We can handle this.”
“But you’ll get to know me and then…” He closed his eyes and shook his head.
Spock stared at him.
Then to Jim’s surprise he took Jim’s hand in his and left the kitchen.
“We would like a private moment to talk,” Spock said to Jim’s mother and Bones. “The tea is prepared. We will be back shortly.”
Jim directed Spock into his bedroom and then once in the room, Spock shut the door.
Spock put his hands on Jim’s face. “You think I do not know you?”
“You know the surface me but—”
Spock shook his head. “Let me tell you what I know about you. You are brave, thoughtful, courageous, brilliant, and an expert strategist. You are an extraordinary leader who puts the needs of his crew first before himself.”
“Spock…”
“You are also reckless, rash, and given to fits of ill temper when something does not go your way.”
“Hey!”
Spock’s lips curved ever so slightly. “You were born premature even as your father was murdered by Romulans bent on revenge for perceived grievances that never really happened the way they imagined. You were raised mostly by your father’s relatives in your early years before your mother remarried an abusive man named Frank, who ultimately caused your brother, George Samuel, to depart your home, leaving you to fend for yourself. After you destroyed Frank’s car by driving it off a cliff you were sent to Tarsus IV where you barely escaped the famine and the reign of Governor Kodos.”
“How-how did you…” Jim was breathless.
“You have forgotten I had to meld with you once to ensure your survival. Though it was not my intention to learn private information, you were vulnerable at the time and were unable to stop it from flowing to me.”
Jim swallowed heavily. “I see. You never said.”
“I did not wish for you to feel uncomfortable with me. What I learned were mostly surface memories, not very detailed, and to bring up my knowledge of them could potentially hurt you. However, now that you are aware I know, I can only advise you that I admire your strength and ability to survive under such circumstances very much, and I also grieve with you.”
Jim nodded, moistened his lips.
“I know that you developed a close relationship with Captain Pike before his passing, and that he felt the same toward you, that he did not think you a failure and did see greatness in you as he said. You have been hurt more in romantic relationships than you have hurt others, causing you to become shy of such commitments. You cared for Carol Marcus but did not love her because…”
When he paused here, Jim blew out a breath. “Because I loved you. It’s been you, Spock, for…years now.”
“And you are the reason I could never quite commit to Nyota, though I cared for her a great deal. I still do,” Spock admitted. “She has done nothing wrong except love me, but since our meeting I cannot deny that my heart belongs to you. I do not see that ever changing, even should you reject having more with me. That is why I thought to avoid social interactions. It was difficult to maintain aloofness where you were concerned.”
Jim kissed him, hard. “You never have to be aloof with me.”
“I hope you now understand that I know who you are, I choose you, and I want your mother and whoever else you wish to know that we are fully committed to each other.”
Jim grinned. “I never would have thought you were a romantic, Spock.”
“You bring it out in me.”
He laughed then. “I love you. Okay. Let’s go and tell Mom. She will be thrilled.”